The Sneaky Ways Boundaries Aren't Serving You

Boundaries are an act of self love, not an act of push back on the other.

DEAR READERS,

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Through the years I have learned to feel the difference between boundaries being communicated from self defense, or from grounded fierce love for myself. I still find pockets of pleasing within myself, as it can be uncomfortable to uphold a boundary. Especially, when the other person IS a good person, but it’s important to discern what part of you you’re letting lead. The one who shrugs your shoulders and just does the thing, or the one that sacredly says, “This is what will work for me, this is what feels safe for me,” and then lovingly holds the line for yourself.

ENJOY…

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Photo by Clément Falize on Unsplash

✸ Setting boundaries isn’t pulling away from those you love 

⋗ It isn’t isolation

⋗ It isn’t in avoidance   

⋗ It isn’t being guarded and defensive 

⋗ It isn’t being passive aggressive hoping they’ll catch on

It requires communication ⋖

Communication about your feelings ⋖

Gross, I know 🤢 😘 

But, it does. 

Certainly, not with everyone.

However, you get to discern who you’re going to meet deeper, by having a real heartfelt conversation.

Which means, communicating boundaries can feel vulnerable. (Again, I know 🤢)

𓆃 You’re eventually going to have to say, “When this occurs/when you do this, I feel….. and so I need….”

❥ Speaking to needs and feelings is how you set an actual boundary, and it’s much harder to do it with people you deeply care about. 

⛓️‍💥 used to pull my energy from people who hurt me rather than talking about it. 

•Assuming they knew they hurt me. 

•Assuming, if I don’t give them access to my kind, loving, giving energy then it’ll punish them. 

I pulled to punish. 📿Which serves absolutely no-one, and was my inner teenager trying to figure out how to avoid an uncomfortable, potentially hard, conversation.

✨So, set boundaries yes… we assume setting boundaries means the other person is an unhealthy person, when in fact, 

they may be amazing and just view the world differently than you; or are experiencing something different than you.✨

Obviously there’s nuance here, but I know you get it…

❔Sooo where have you pulled to punish? 

❔Where are you avoiding a conversation because it’s uncomfortable? 

❔Where are you being called to set boundaries but still keep someone in your life? 

Loving ALL parts of you, even your avoidant 😉

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